Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
youre lurking in front of me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
