I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
