She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
