Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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