my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
