I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
