he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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