Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
