Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
