1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
