Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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