If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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