The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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