If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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