I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
