he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
