I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
