Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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