I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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