If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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