you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i love accidental penises.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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