Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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