Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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