I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
