what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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