I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
