I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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