in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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