Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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