$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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