I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
