The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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