the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
