I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize