I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
