i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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