I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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