yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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