She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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