Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
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I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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