Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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