Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
why do cheetos always look like penises
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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