...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
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All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.