I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?