Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad