make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.