Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji