I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.