Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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