Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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