My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
