Define "chronic" masturbator.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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