im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
