Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ttyl tear gas
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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