I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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