I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
