I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
