I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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