He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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