Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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