i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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