You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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