well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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