If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
