I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
